Bloodsucking Lawyers and Miraculous Beverages
by Kalan van Lichtenstein
Summary: When you’re hopelessly lost, the last thing you want to happen is to run into a bloodsucking fiend. Originally written for the Phoenix Wright Anonymous Kink Meme.


Wow... It's been nearly four years or so since I've posted anything on A lot has changed for me in that time. This has been posted in a few other places, so... yeah. I hope you guys enjoy it!

**Disclaimer:** I'm not feeling witty enough right now, so I'll just say that I most certainly do not own any single character in this story.

**Summary:** When you're hopelessly lost, the last thing you want to happen is to run into a bloodsucking fiend. Originally written for the Kink Meme. The Prompt was "Little!Diego meets his first love... that beautiful cup of bitter coffee."

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_August 1991-LA Public __Library_

There was no doubt about it. Diego Armando was hopelessly lost.

He really didn't mean for it to happen. But, there was just something about how his mother had said "do not move from this spot" that seemed to imply "it's completely fine for you to go exploring". Besides, if his mother really hadn't wanted him to move, she would have taken him into the bathroom with her.

So, really it was all her fault.

He hadn't known just how big the library actually was. There were rows and rows upon books containing who knew what at heights that looked impossible to reach, even for Diego who happened to be the second tallest person in his first grade class. It was amazing. He knew that he really should turn back, but he just couldn't. Not yet anyways. He'd just keep on going a little further.

It was only when he found himself in the middle of a long row of desks that he realized there was no hope of him finding his way back to his mother.

That wasn't good. That wasn't good at all.

His father had told him horrible stories about children who get lost wandering away from their parents. He'd said something about being taken into a house made out of candy and being fattened up to be eaten. Diego was going to be eaten. He was pretty sure that he wouldn't taste good anyways, so that made it even worse. He tried his best to blink the tears that were welling up in his eyes away, at the risk of looking completely undignified, but that really wasn't working.

He must look so stupid standing there all alone.

"…Are you all right?" asked a concerned voice.

Diego turned around.

The speaker was a very tired looking man dressed in a rather boring looking suit. He didn't really look all that old, but his hair was gray, and old people normally have gray hair, so he really couldn't be all that sure. Diego kind of wished that it was a pretty looking woman, but when you were in danger of being eaten, beggars really couldn't be choosers.

"I'm lost." Diego said bluntly. He wasn't really supposed to talk to strangers, but this guy didn't look all that scary.

The man frowned, clearly contemplating something (hopefully it had nothing to do with eating him), and then gave him a warm smile.

"I'm sure that your parents will find you in no time. For now, would you like to sit down?" He asked, motioning over to a crowded looking desk.

Diego said nothing, but sat down, wondering what on earth one person would need all that paper for.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Diego decided to say something.

"That's a lot of paper." he said, somewhat impressed.

"I'm actually… in the middle of work for a case that I'm in."

"…You're in a case? It is an invisible one?"

The man smiled, as if Diego had said something funny. "It's a legal case."

Diego stared at him.

"I'm a lawyer."

About twenty alarms went off in his head at once. That wasn't good. Diego had heard about lawyers from his father as well. Apparently, they would suck your blood and your money if you turned your back on them. And now, a lawyer had him within his grasp. He really wasn't going to get out of this library alive.

"…You're going to suck my blood, aren't you?" No point in trying to deny the inevitable.

To his surprise, the lawyer started to laugh. And, it wasn't an evil laugh that you'd expect from a blood sucking villain. It was one that sounded… amused.

"Despite common belief, most lawyers don't suck blood."

"But my dad said-"

"I said _most_ lawyers. I'm sure there's at least one lawyer out there who sucks blood, but I'm positive that it's not me."

Diego nodded. Of course, however, that might be one of his lawyer tricks to try and lure him in before the kill.

Clearly seeing that he wasn't entirely convinced, the lawyer held out a cup that Diego hadn't been able

to see, due to the abnormally large stack of paper in front of it.

"See, it isn't blood, it's coffee."

Diego peered into the cup.

It looked amazing. Clearly, the lawyer hadn't gotten it that long ago, as there was still some steam coming off the amazing… blackness. It smelled amazing. There were no words to describe it. Well, there might have been, but he just hadn't learned them yet, which was really unfortunate.

"Can I have a drink of it?" He asked the lawyer.

The lawyer raised an eyebrow. "I'm not sure if that's really such a good idea. It's not sweet, and I really only drink it when I'm doing court work. Besides, it's not really good for young children."

"I'm not a young child!" he protested.

Once again, the lawyer looked at him with a pensive expression. Once again, Diego hoped that he wasn't contemplating eating him, sucking his blood or anything that would result in his imminent death.

"Well… I suppose that one small sip won't hurt you, right?" said the lawyer, handing the cup to him.

Diego took it. The first taste of it on his tongue was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. It was the most perfect thing on the planet. The next drink was even better. Nothing could compare to it. It was true love. Worried that he might lose his precious drink, he drank faster and faster, until there was nothing left.

The lawyer looked a little bit worried when he handed him back an empty mug.

"…That couldn't have been good for you."

"It was amazing Mr. Lawyer!"

"…Amazing?"

"Yes! Amazing!"

The lawyer looked rather shocked. Diego thought it was funny.

"Well… to each their own, I suppose," The lawyer said, mostly to himself.

They sat in silence again, until finally his mother found him. She began yelling at him in Spanish (since he really didn't speak it though, it could have been anything) and apologizing over and over to the lawyer, who insisted that it was really no problem.

"Diego, you better thank that man! Look at him, trying to get his work done and having you…" His mother said, shooting a glare at him

"There's no need to thank me. It really wasn't horrible and I was planning on taking a break anyways."

"Thank you Mr…"

"Edgeworth." The lawyer offered, still smiling. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to need to refill my mug. I swear, at times like these, lawyers live on coffee."

As he left, Diego's mother was still glaring at her son, and yet, Diego was paying no attention to her. He was far too focused on what the lawyer, Mr. Edgeworth had said.

Lawyers lived on coffee. Diego wanted to live on coffee. So, he'd become a lawyer, just like Mr. Edgeworth (only he wouldn't dress as boring, of course).

He'd also find better words to describe coffee too. "Good" just wasn't good enough.

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